.one too many.

…a place for waste…

sorry for the mess.

with 3 comments

as you all know,

over the course of the past two years,

i’ve been working on developing/encouraging/having a spiritual side…

admittedly, it has been a struggle.

but recently, i found an outlet for my angst,

and sure enough, i wake each day with a quieter conscience.


it may seem a bit strange,

but i find the best way to achieve the peace i am seeking,

is through sacrifice…


sacrifice of the

“eat less bread”,

“give money to charity”,


“stay away from hard drugs”







it’s holiday season here in the subcontinent.

eid al-adha.


greater eid

(totally different than lesser eid!).


the festival of sacrifice.

as i said…


this one was messy.
if you are squemish i suggest you stop here.
if you’re morbid and fatalistic, the door is wide open.


off we go.

back to the old city.



so here is how it works.

get a handful of knives.

fuck your ginzos.

the rustier and more homemade looking,

the better.


grab a leash.

clip it to your favorite domestic animal.

look him in the eyes,

pat him on the back,


lie to his face.

“just going for a stroll, little buddy.”


now this is the tricky part.

we used a method of distraction for this

but sometimes a surprise move can get the job done…

the idea is simple.

when your animal is not looking,

tie his legs together,

push him to the ground,

and slice his throat!!!!



that gurgling noise followed by a tsunami of blood is totally normal.






alright then.

once the blood seems to have slowed,

and you’ve pooled it towards your nearest drain with a squeegee and some water,

it’s time to organize.

to start,

we felt it would be easiest to just chop the head clean off.

that way we could hold it over our heads while we screamed like banshees,

which is in fact,

an Eid tradition.



remove the heart.

sometimes it is fun to just hold it in your hands for a few minutes.

there’s something just fun about it.

just holding it…


from here on in, it is all in bulk.

skin, torso, ribs, muscles, flesh, fat and vital organs.

i suggest writing a note to your neighbors.

ours said,

“sorry for the mess.”




obviously the work is sloppy.

one way of removing excess liquids is using your hand.

just make a cup and begin to splash said liquids away from your work area…


once the animal is properly cut into 10-45 pieces,

find a bicycle with a wooden plank tied to the bike,

and pile them high in a pyramid-like structure…


always put the skinned head on top.

it personalizes the experience.


once your slabs are properly layered,

(don’t worry too much about this.

it’s ok for them to drop into the street on the way to your station.)

let a total stranger wheel them away,

destination unknown…

a few handshakes, hugs and hi-5s with friends,

and then…


go find yourself a new favorite domestic animal.


ok that’s not even a little bit funny.

(see how i used this post about a serious religious ritual

as a way to throw in some more photos of my cats.

but they’re pretty fucking awesome.

look how adorable they look as they play Eid with that pigeon.)


Happy Eid!!!


Written by canepari

December 10, 2008 at 6:04 pm

3 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. pshaw. arm was right: chicken shit. like that’s a lot of blood? i would suck that shit up. i would drink your milkshake. drink it all up.


    December 10, 2008 at 8:53 pm

  2. bloody gnarly mess.

    bloody: blood everywhere.

    gnarly: ‘hey let’s go for a walk little buddy’.

    mess: my hair for the amount of times i swung my head away to ease the queeze.

    nice post though. peace.


    March 14, 2009 at 8:49 am

  3. Thank end users for give ideal powerful kednlwoges. Ones web is just so coolI am inspired use The advice that end users have on going on things like this site. this shows how great end users comprehend your title. bookmark this homepage, went going back for significantly more. you, my buddy, ROCK! I found just the instructions I already searched everywhere and only couldn’t experience. What a perfect site. like this things like this web site Your web site is a as for my new favs.I likes things like this answer given as well as this has given me Some sort on inspiration To succeed as A few rationale, very Thanks


    January 7, 2013 at 10:39 am

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: