.one too many.

…a place for waste…

Archive for April 2011

mad cow.

with 4 comments

first,

a disclaimer.

the following story never ends and is morally ambiguous.

much like the following photographs.

enjoy.

last night i was a bit under the weather.

a shoot at disneyland had left me with the dreaded disneyland-mad/cow.

AKA a cough and some snot.

there i was lying in bed,

moaning and writhing like the man-child that I am,

and there was this beeping sound.

beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep.

high and shriekish.

like the alarm on my old casio watch.

now granted,

every sound in my neighborhood,

due to compressed living spaces and paper thin-walls and loud neighbors with little yapping dogs(!!!),

is amplified.

anyways irrelevent.

 so like clockwork,

everytime i’d start to get out of bed to investigate,

it would stop.

as soon as i got back in bed it’d start again.

finally,

my frustration bubble popped,

and to my twisted girlfriend’s pleasure,

i screamed as loud as i could,

“please kill that beeping noise fuck shit poop!!!!”

but nothing.

the beeping continued.

then it started to get more sporadic.

someone was clearly trying to stop the beeping but couldn’t figure out how.

beep beep be…

beep beep beep beep b…

beep bee…

my lady theorized,

“it’s probably the methhead with the sector nine”.

i wasn’t so sure.

either way it just wouldn’t stop.

finally,

i went for it.

out of the bed.

feet in the slippers.

down the stairs.

and out the door.

like a hunter i sniffed.

like a hunter i walked next door.

like a hunter i looked up the stairs.

and

like a hunter i saw the fire alarm dangling from it’s cradle.

beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep

a voice behind me,

“i couldn’t figure out how to turn it off”.

the methhead with the sector nine.

his eyes darting like a caged deer (on meth).

then fire engine sirens.

then the whole neighborhood in the streets.

i walked away in a haze of red lights and loud complaining chihuahuas.

yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap

beep yap

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Written by canepari

April 26, 2011 at 3:22 pm

i’ve got 2 vaginas.

with one comment

the last editorial assignment I’ve had was for this magazine.

i was told it was the british version of Maxim.

i told them “i’ll do it!”

the hard copy came in the mail today,

followed by a mixed bag of emotions.

shame.

pride.

disgust.

glee.

regret.

life as a photographer…

the highs are high.

the lows are low.

eww.

Written by canepari

April 14, 2011 at 3:56 pm

coyote skeleton disarticulated.

with 2 comments

word to the wise.

a cow heart floating in a jar of formaldehyde

does not make a good valentine’s day present.

dapper cadaver.

somebody’s got to do it


Written by canepari

April 8, 2011 at 3:39 pm